I am truely grateful!

What a different title from my last one, eh? I wanted to thank all my WONDERFUL friends and family for their uplifting and sincere comments. I really appreciate all you had to say and your own experiences help out. I was crying while I was reading.
I wanted to let everyone know that I am much better now, thanks. Next time I will vent to the wall so no one has to see what a lunatic I am, besides my hubby.
I am still stressed about our current situation, but I am not dwelling on it like I was. The day after my rough one, I prayed real hard to be calm with my kids, and I had a moment when I was holding Natalie and looking at her in the mirror by my face, and thought "I am the luckiest woman. Look at this beautiful child that is mine to keep!" It was a very spiritual moment for me. I then went up and hugged and kissed Emma and kept telling them how much I loved them. I've decided that above anything I teach my kids, I want them to know for a surety that I love them and that Heavenly Father and Jesus love them. That is it! I need to quit stressing about the small things they do, and make sure they know how much they are loved.
Today we had wonderful lessons in church. First was realying on the scriptures to hear God speaking to you. I had a great night the other night reading them, and that rang so true. Then we learned about being grateful for everything and boy did I need that lesson after this last week. I want to say that I am truely thankful for the small struggles that we are having, because they are not as important as I think, and everything will fall into place how it is supposed to, and in the Lord's time. Thanks for that one Amber! The Lord knows what we need and as long as we are good and faithful, he will bless us. Period. Life is such a blessing and a gift and I need to be thankful for it each and every day. May God bless everyone's lives as much as He has blessed mine.

Life sucks sometimes

I am writing this now mostly to vent and get things off my chest, not necessarily to have others read it. But I am hoping by writing this, I won't be alone in my feelings and that others can relate and tell me that. And some may be asking, then why write here? I don't have a journal, so that is that.
Today was a rough day for me. I felt like a lousy, horrible mother. All I did was scream and the kids and want them out of my sight. Natalie spent all day in time out it seemed. It was one of those days with your kids that you would be happy to have a kid sale out on the lawn, but then give them away to the first taker. Of course I would never, never do such a thing, but it doesn't mean I don't dream. I love my kids more than anything in the whole world, and when I feel so happy, I am swallowed up in my joy with them. Then there are those days that I resent my life. I resent being a Mom, being married, having to sacrifice and work, when I would so rather do fun things with my family and get more time to myself. I get even less time with Adam in school because he tries to do homework, so I can't ever leave by myself. I feel like I have lost my identity. Nothing is mine anymore, not even my time alone, for it is spent doing things for others and trying to remember everything.
The other day Emma's teacher came up to me and asked me what happened to her library book, because it was all warped. I looked at her in awe, thinking, "how do you expect me to be responsible for every little thing?" It is Emma's book that she can be responsible for. I can't keep track of everything!!!!! I can't keep track of my head some days!
Trying to fit in time to work out anymore has been a joke. I work late, Adam gets up early and is gone all day. Plus is rains so dang much here, you can't do much of anything. Then on mornings Adam says he has to leave early, so I don't plan on getting up, he sleeps in and I could have fit something in. My family makes me so batty sometimes!!!!
Finance has been a major stress. We have gone through so much with trying to sell our pieces of property, to no avail. We thought our lot was going to be a final sale next week, but Adam just told me tonight that the VA, who is approving the guy for a loan, wants us to fork out 10,000 dollars for permits! Bull@#^! They say they will pay us back, but no way am I agreeing to that.
Our house still isn't selling. I know there must be a reason, but it is hard to have faith that there is a reason for things sometimes. It has been a real struggle lately for me. I know the Lord has a plan for us, but I feel like I've done my part in relying on him and still not knowing why things aren't happening for us. To know that we have a way to get out of our financial difficulties, but not to have anything selling for it to happen, has been very trying for me.
I am sorry that I am going on and on, I just thought it might make me feel better to get out my frustrations through writing, but I don't feel any better. If anyone cares to talk to me, and let me know I am not the only horrible, worthless, negative, faithless mom and woman in the world, it would mean the world to me.